Are you pregnant and stressing out about finding a caregiver for your toddler when it is time for you to go to the hospital? Perhaps you do not have any close family and friends that live nearby. Or your close family or friends have no experience with kids, and you are scared to leave your toddler with them.
Well, I was sort of in that situation. We live with our kids’ grandfather, but he did not have any experience with caring for a kid. He still doesn’t really, but he can manage on his own for about 1-2 hours with the kids.
It’s tough trying to find a caregiver when you do not have a lot or have any caregiver options, especially during the pandemic. But after what I went through in the year 2020, I have a few tips that I hope can help those who are going through something similar to what I had to go through.
Selecting a caregiver
Normally, when there isn’t a life-altering virus going on in the world, I would go to my close family members to watch my child during the fun times of giving birth. My last pregnancy had a rough recovery as well and I ended up staying at the hospital a bit longer too. I had to go back to the hospital a couple of times every day for about a week until a problem I had was resolved. But because of the pandemic and I was pregnant, we did not open a bubble to anyone. We were afraid to get sick while I was pregnant and to be tested covid positive when it is time to go to the hospital. We did not want any further complication.
My father-in-law lives with us, which may seem like he would be a perfect caregiver to some people. However, he has never changed a diaper or looked after our daughter for more than an hour before my second child, Luna, was born. We tried to transition him gradually, but he kept saying it’s okay, he’ll figure it out. So, being the anal person that I am, I made a handy dandy guidebook. I say book because it was OVER 8 pages! It had a section about which remote to use on the TV, how long to heat up her milk (because she’s spoiled and will only drink hot milk still), how to change a diaper (including a YouTube link), and how to put her to sleep. What I didn’t realize, until after, was that this lengthy document meant no one in their right mind would want to read this ESPECIALLY while taking care of a very energetic toddler. Lessons learned.
Unexpected outcome
My hospital stay ended up being four days. After two days of my husband going to and fro the hospital every day from home and seeing the aftermath of each day, we decided that she needed to be with someone who was experienced with young kids for his dad’s sanity and for our peace of mind. While at the hospital, my husband and I decided to open our bubble to my brother’s family who lives an hour’s drive away and has four children of their own. Although it is a very busy household, they also have a lot of help at their house.
I was told that my first child, Isabella, was left in tears when my father-in-law dropped her off at my brother’s house. She was afraid out of her mind because for almost five months, at the age of two, she did not see other people because of the pandemic and lockdown. And all of a sudden, she was left with people she barely remembers to look after her. They sent pictures of her eating, sleeping, and playing so I could see my daughter. But I could tell from the beginning of the night that she had been crying for a while. But because I knew they were the best people to look after her, within a short amount of time and with a lot of playing with her four cousins, she loved their family more than ours. I’m not lying! When she came back home, she actually said, “I want to go home.” I said, “You are home, sweety.” She said, “No, my other home.”?!?! She also called my sister-in-law “mommy”. Man, that was rough. I guess that’s better than being treated so bad that she’s afraid of them. And now, almost 2 years later, she is super close to that family and asks to see them all the time.
I sent them the guidebook to assist them as well, but my brother said, “No way in hell am I reading that!” So, without further ado, I have my list of tips below.
10 Tips for selecting a caregiver
A few tips that I put together from that experience are:
1. Have a backup plan.
Everyone will have different situations depending on who is able to look after your child.
I think the best thing to do is to have a backup plan in place before you are at the hospital; Caregiver 1 and backup caregiver 2. Talk with them and get them both on board so they know what to expect and will be prepared.
2. Give whatever information they will need to take care of your child early so they will have the time to read it before the baby is born. If it’s information on a document, it’s best to print it so they also have a hard copy handy.
I was 3 weeks early and didn’t expect to give birth yet, but I should have sent it sooner.
3. DON’T MAKE A BOOK.
A lengthy document, no matter when you send it, can be overwhelming and people will unlikely want to read it.
4. It’s really hard to make someone “watch and learn” what needs to be done to care for your kid if they really don’t want to. I think in that case, you may want to consider finding someone else to help you, if possible.
5. Consider opening your bubble first.
You should consider opening your bubble to the caregiver (if it is outside your household) before you give birth so that they can get used to them before they are dropped off. Even a few video calls before the hospital stay, or anything else, is better than nothing.
6. Be mentally and physically prepared for a longer visit to the hospital.
Most likely, your hospital stay is short BUT you should be prepared for a long visit as well. Just in case something happens, like in my case, and having to worry about your first child while lying in a hospital bed with a newborn can be very stressful.
7. Consider recording a video with instructions.
People may be more receptive to that than a book. I, for one, would prefer it in writing but maybe it’s just me.
8. If you are considering hiring help instead, consider hiring a part-time babysitter.
Get to know them and spend some time with this babysitter before the hospital stay. And then when you they have established a relationship and you feel more confident, hire them to watch your child while you are at the hospital
9. If your child goes to daycare, ask if they can recommend someone to help watch your child.
It could possibly be a staff at the daycare that already knows your child. They may do these types of side jobs. If they do not, they may know companies or people they would recommend that can do this.
10. Search for services online that may provide temporary care for your kids.
There could be resources, like a Facebook group in your area, that lists companies or people that other people would recommend that could help parents in situations like this.
I’m sure there are smarter people out there than me and would have known better, but I did not know that I would be at the hospital for that many days! I had to keep improvising and adjusting to the situation. Perhaps one day would have been perfectly fine but, apparently, I suck at giving birth and I did not get better the second time. Just because our body can give birth, this momming privilege of giving birth is not as easy or natural for everyone. But all is good, and now I have 2 healthy baby girls. We are so happy and feel so blessed that we were able to bring them home. I guess in the grand scheme of things, this was all a distant memory, and everyone survived.
