Being pregnant can be hard for some women, and if you are anything like me, it is more than just “hard”. Being pregnant with your second child compared to your first child felt harder to me. I’m actually quite ashamed of how hard both pregnancies seem to be for me compared to other people I know. I’ve seen and heard about the pregnancy glow in movies and even a few lucky women I personally know of have had them too. I was Wendy in the What to Expect when Expecting movie. I did not have the glow and I was envious of those around me who seemed to have the glow. They made pregnancy and giving birth look so easy.
I think for those who already have a toddler while you were pregnant, you all know that subsequent pregnancies do not have the same luxurious lifestyle as the first time you were pregnant. I don’t know about you, but when I was pregnant the first time, I practically lay around all the time when I wasn’t working because I was constantly exhausted. I was also spotting for the first 7 months as well. I was exhausted from the first trimester with morning sickness to the third trimester when I was just super heavy. It felt like it was impossible to stand up, walk, or even think. At that time, I thought pregnancy was so hard. Well, and then, I got pregnant again.
Pregnancy with my first child
If you have been following my previous blogs, you might remember that I mentioned that I bled for the first 7 months of my pregnancy with my first child, Isabella. If I walked too much, moved too much, or even vacuumed with the small cordless Dyson, I would bleed heavier than usual. I had a placenta hematoma and was told to be careful but that it should resolve itself over time. I did not only spot for the first 7 months, but I also had a lot of cramps. I miscarried the same year before I got pregnant with Isabella, so the idea of miscarrying again (at any point in the trimester) was a real fear for me and my husband.
There was a lot of laying around and sitting around. A lot of watching TV and eating snacks. My husband is the cook in the family, so I was blessed to not have to deal with the daily problem of figuring out what to eat. He, on the other hand, had a wonderful time figuring that out when I was pregnant while everything basically made me nauseous. I have always been spoiled by my dear husband, which is why I married him. I knew he was special the day I met him when I was 8 years old. Who can say that they married their first crush when they were just a little kid!
My morning sickness and taste buds were hay-wired. Nothing tasted like what it should be, and everything was off. I had a metallic taste in my mouth for the first trimester that just made me want to gag at everything, including my own saliva. TMI ALERT: Please skip this part if you do not want to read this pukey story but I literally swallowed my own vomit once while I was in an elevator full of people and had nothing to puke in. I learned that I should carry small little (not clear) bags in my purse in case that should happen again.
Everything I loved became everything I hated. Things I didn’t care for I still didn’t care for. And then, I oddly acquired new random tastes, like kimchi. I never ate it before I was pregnant but couldn’t have enough of it when I was pregnant! I put that on everything like it was ketchup!
I still had to go to work, which was a Go train ride downtown, and I had to walk from the Go station to work, which was about 15 minutes. My job, during the last five months of my pregnancy, was very laid back without a lot of physical work when I was promoted to an acting position. The first four months were a lot more physical, but due to my condition and the fact that I miscarried previously, my doctor had written a note to reduce my workload. So other than work, and all the difficult aches and pains from pregnancy (and I mean A LOT of different aches and pains from my pregnancy), my life was pretty easygoing.
Life with a toddler, while pregnant
But let me tell you if you don’t already know, being pregnant with a toddler means you can barely lie down! Your kid wants to play with you. They want to go to the park. They are jumping and running around you and you have an endless list of house chores to do! You have to take care of a toddler, which includes feeding and cleaning after them. Catching them becomes very difficult when you are over 20 lbs heavier than before. Not to mention, my poor second child, Luna, had already been beaten up a few times by her big sister before she even came out. Oh, and they still want to be carried and cuddled. Just because you are pregnant, that doesn’t mean you can stop doing all these things. Unless you should not, like you have been instructed to be on bed rest or something, you might want to continue some of these things to some extent or else, they may feel sad or even resentful that the relationship has changed because of the baby. You also don’t have a lot of time with your toddler once that new baby arrives. You will want to cherish and appreciate every moment you have with your only child until they become not-an-only child anymore.
You are tired from cleaning because, unlike your first pregnancy, when it was just you and your husband, you now have a little person running around making messes. You can ask your kid to clean up, but that almost never happens or done properly. And the place is just never the same as it was before you had a kid. Sort of like a pet; your house will just never be as clean.
Your feet are swollen and turning over or getting up takes a bit of time now, but you still got to be quick on your toes and be very active with your toddler. I tried to spend as much time as I could with my toddler to cherish the last few months of my only child. I also decided to potty train her at two years and four months to help lessen the number of diaper changes that would need to be done. She showed some signs of readiness at daycare, so I took the plunge. Plus, it was a great decision because who has the time to potty train a toddler while taking care of a newborn! If I did not potty train before the baby was born, I would have waited until the new baby was older when I had more time and energy. But that could have been longer than it should and a lot more diapers to buy than I can afford to.
I’m not sure if Isabella knew what it meant when we told her there was a baby inside of me. We reminded her often that she was going to be a big sister soon. I think explaining it to her and giving her a heads up on how things will be, such as what to expect when it is time to go to the hospital, was helpful.
4 things to consider when you are pregnant with your second child
A few things I think will be helpful to be aware of before your second child arrives are:
1. Cherish every moment you have with your toddler before the baby arrives.
You will be surprised how different life becomes when a newborn arrives. You won’t get this time back with your child, ever. Something dramatically changes from one kid to two kids. I became an emotional wreck when my perception changed. Others may be able to handle it much better than me but be prepared that it could also be a hard transition.
2. Explain what to expect to your toddler about the upcoming hospital stay.
Let your toddler know that you will be away and who will take care of them. Also, let them know what to expect when you come home with your new baby to your toddler so that they are aware that there will be changes. Depending on the age of your child, this will probably go in one ear and out the other, but I still think it can be beneficial. It also gives you the time to reflect on what type of changes will be coming so you won’t be caught off guard as well.
3. If possible, and applicable, potty train your child.
To potty train your child (assuming it’s age-appropriate and they are showing signs of readiness) and to teach any other independent things you want him/her to achieve before the baby is born will be humongous. It will help ease some stress when the baby arrives. They may regress but I think that’s normal (even without a new baby, I think there will always be some type of regression) as they are still trying to figure out how to control their bladder and master any new skills.
4. Get your child to be involved in some of the decision-making for your newborn.
It could be choosing between two names or even something small like a gift to their new sibling. I think getting them more involved will get them more excited about the arrival of the baby. You will want them to feel very loved and cared for when the baby arrives. Involving them in some of your decision-making can help them feel this way. I think the age of your first child and their personality will play a huge role in how they will cope with having a new sibling. I think at the end of the day, what matters most is to appreciate what you have with your first child and to continue to make your first child feel like they are loved and that they matter. Momming with one child and two children is quite different, in my opinion. It might be tough at first, but the moment you see your two children bond together for the first time, it is such a beautiful sight and feeling. That is the moment when you realized that this is the best decision and moment of your motherly life that you ever had so far.
