During the pandemic, almost everything is different. Your dental appointments, your kids’ doctor’s appointments, and even your prenatal appointments are no longer the same as before. What used to be standard expectations for these appointments are now considered a privileged; opportunity to have both parents present. To be honest, I am not sure what used to be will ever be again and if it was the right way. Maybe a full room of people in waiting rooms and crowded rooms were not the best way?
While I was pregnant with my second baby, Luna, my husband was only able to go to one ultrasound appointment before the lockdown. Luckily, Isabella, my firstborn, was also there and they were both able to see Luna on the monitor for the first time. Isabella was so young and likely didn’t know what she was looking at, but I am very grateful that we were able to share that one moment together. I wished I had taken a photo or soaked in that feeling a little bit more because I didn’t know that was the first and last time my husband and daughter were able to share this experience together for the rest of the pregnancy.
Going to prenatal appointments alone
Going to prenatal appointments during a pandemic can be a little nerve-wrecking. It already sucks that you have to go through this all alone, but you have to do this hoping you don’t catch covid and be socially normal all at the same time. Because I was pregnant, I basically never went out. My husband did all the necessary chores. Not going out meant you are not used to being out and used to the constantly changing socially acceptable rules due to the pandemic. Everything out there started to seem scary for me, even door handles! Or, I forget to socially distance and accidentally go into people’s spaces. So, it was definitely a bit more stressful to be pregnant during a pandemic.
I remember the first time I was at a Dollarama and saw arrows on the floor to direct people in which direction they could go. I was confused at first because it was so unexpected! And when I finally got into the groove of following the arrows, I noticed that a lot of people did not follow the arrows. I didn’t know if I was the socially awkward one. Pre-pandemic, I was already socially awkward. This added an additional layer of awkwardness I have to wear when I go outside.
Fortunately, my second pregnancy was much easier than my first. I did not need to attend physio for my back pain, or attend pelvic floor physio for my uncontrollable bladder (ugh), attend several ultrasound appointments to monitor the bleeding I had for the first 7 months of my first pregnancy, or attend multiple massage appointments for the severe raging headaches I had when I was pregnant with my first child. I must admit it was really nice to get massages and have it covered by insurance. I guess I should not complain about the last issue I had. Anyways, for my second pregnancy, I only needed to attend a few ultrasounds at the end of my first trimester to monitor my placenta. My placenta was very low in the beginning, and we were not sure if I was able to have a natural birth.
What you can expect at prenatal appointments
As I mentioned above, other than the first ultrasound appointment, my husband was never allowed in any ultrasound appointments or OB appointments. He wasn’t even able to attend the anatomy scan to find out the gender of the baby. I had to sit in each room by myself hoping that every prenatal appointment will be okay. I noted all the questions I planned to ask so I don’t forget. It sucked big time because sometimes I like that my husband can ask some questions, so I don’t look like the only anal person in the room. And with my pregnancy brain, I had to remember everything that was said and hoped that I did not misinterpret anything. Thank God this was not my first rodeo, and my pregnancy was not too complicated. To go through this alone and not be able to share this experience with someone else, especially if it was their very first time, is not only lonely but can be very frightening. This is a lifetime experience. And for some, it may be the experience they get only once in their lifetime.
I should also note that, unlike my first pregnancy, I did not get the option to have the doctor perform the GBS (Group B Streptococcus) test and had to take the kit home and do it myself. I don’t know about you, but I did not think it was an easy task to do by oneself. Nothing about it was pleasant and I did not want to ask my husband to assist. The GBS test was way more intrusive than the covid swab test; at least it was in my opinion.
How this pandemic can affect the gender reveal
As I was saying about the anatomy scan, we really wanted to know the sex of the baby together. At least, in my story, it is a “we”. I’m sure my husband was probably fine with me telling him the sex when I found out. But I really wanted us to find out together.
Since my husband was not allowed at the appointment, I asked the technician to write the gender on a piece of paper so my husband and I can reveal it together. She looked at me like I was crazy to have asked for something like this and was told no. The technician stated that if we wanted to know the gender together with my husband, I would have to ask my doctor to give us the news after they faxed the results. She then said, “But I’m pretty sure it’s a girl.” Seriously?!?! Geesh lady, I only asked you to write down the results so that my husband and I can find out the sex together. Did that sound like I was ready to know the gender on the spot? I was devasted, but I just lay there in silence, stupidly and in shock. I could not believe what had just happened and could not find the words to say anything about it.
After a period of shock waved over, I was ecstatic that my daughter was going to have a little sister that could be her very best friend. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers and know how important and wonderful it can be to have another sister to grow up with. But then, I was overcome with sadness that unlike my first pregnancy, we did not get to find out the gender together. In fact, we planned a special gender reveal for both of us for our first baby. We gave the gender results to a restaurant and asked them to reveal the results in our dessert. After a long-anticipated dinner, and a lot of smiles and giggles from our waiter, our dessert finally arrived with decorative pink flowers. Our waiter took a snapshot of that moment, and now it will always be a pleasant memory that was captured on screen that we will have forever. We were robbed of this opportunity and will likely never get to do something like this again since we think (or should I say, my husband has been trying to convince me) that we have completed our family.
We had a plan in place! My doctor was going to email my father-in-law the gender results. He was supposed to stuff the gender reveal balloons for us to reveal together as a family. We already received the balloons we ordered from Amazon. This was when the pandemic first started, and we were on the strictest lockdown with not a lot of things to look forward to. Especially with all the missed appointments, this was something we were really excited about. But no, a technician just had to blab out (even though there were signs on the wall stating that they cannot reveal the gender of the baby to the patient!) what they think the gender was. Nonetheless, I was still determined to proceed and did the balloons myself. I gave my husband and my father-in-law the surprise I had hoped for.
By the way, putting helium in the gender reveal balloon was not easy for me. Perhaps I did not put enough helium or put too much stuffing, but it never floated in the air! We just held it in the air and popped it. It still worked but something to consider! I blew it as big as I thought I possibly could while still being able to tie the knot, but clearly, it was not enough!
5 Tips to help with prenatal appointments
So, with regards to appointments, I came up with a few tips that could have helped when I was pregnant:
1. If your partner cannot attend the appointments, ask the technician if you can video call with your partner during your appointments.
Ask if you can video call with your partner, even if it’s for part of the appointment. Someone I know was allowed to do this at every ultrasound appointment! It’s worth asking.
2. Don’t bother asking the receptionist about video calls or writing the gender on a piece of paper.
Every technician can be different, and you may get a different answer than the actual receptionist. You do not want them to flag that you asked and get a firm no at your appointment. You might have a better chance of waiting to ask your technician at the appointment instead. You can feel the vibe from your technician if they are friendly and open to it as well. I would recommend starting off being super friendly to warm them up 😊
3. If your ultrasound appointment did not go well, try to schedule your next ultrasound appointment at a different location.
In Ontario, as long as you have a general requisition form from your practitioner, you can use that requisition in a wide range of places that do ultrasounds. You can Google different places and read the reviews of other people’s experiences, and you might be able to find a better place that could be more accommodating.
4. Find a way to reveal the gender with your partner together.
People I know that were pregnant during the pandemic, were not able to find out the gender by a piece of paper. I was able to for my first pregnancy, which was why I was hoping to be able to do it again. You can try to do a video chat while finding out the gender at the ultrasound clinic. If your doctor will be the one relaying the message, then you should explicitly and very firmly let the technician know that you DO NOT want to know the gender of the baby and that you will arrange the news with your doctor. Someone I know who was pregnant had their doctor note down on the requisition form to let the mother know what the gender of the baby is at the ultrasound appointment. This is also important if you want to find out the gender of the baby at the appointment because not all technicians will be willing to give you the gender on the spot.
If finding out the sex together is very important to you, and if you have the $$$, I think a paid NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing) test would be best. You can find out the sex as early as 9 weeks, and other important common genetic conditions in the baby’s DNA, and the results will be delivered to your doctor. Then you can choose how you want to find out the sex together with your partner.
5. When there are strict lockdown government restrictions in place, that might mean that you cannot book a 3D ultrasound.
We had a 3D ultrasound for our first baby and wanted to do it for the second one, but we were not able to as a result of the strictest lockdown. You can find out by calling one of the 3D ultrasound places in your area to see if they are open, and you can ask them to let you know when they are open. The 3D ultrasound places I have registered for, such as UC Baby 3D Ultrasound, have great resources and have sent me free programs as gifts, such as CPR for infants and toddlers. I think it will be a good idea to register for places like this, especially for first-time mothers.
This new pandemic way of life, being alone at appointments, was just the beginning and the trend of what my new momming life became. Whether it is your first child or subsequent children, your new momming life will likely now mean your appointments, whether for yourself or your child, will be alone. And we will now need to be more creative than we had been before if we want to bring similar pre-pandemic lifestyles into this pandemic life.
